My first Fatherverse Blog
Hello All Dads and all who love Dads!!
This is my first blog. I created this site, because on Twitter, I had made some good friends who run great Mom sites (like Momspective, DawnCullo, Jen The Army Wife, and Hollywood Mom just to name a few), I realized that there are many Dads like myself that don't really have our own virtual lounge to hang in. A place where, if you aren't a Dad, but want a glimpse into our psyche (Always wanted to know but were afraid to ask), please come here. I want this to be interactive. So if you are reading this, please pass this along to a Dad, and please leave comments. This blog site, like me, is ALWAYS a work in progress..to quote Tupac, who paraphrased the Bible: "If I upset you, don't stress, God isn't through with me yet".
OK, so I thought I would make my first blog about those most tense moments of being a Dad. Those moments where you are playing everything so tight, that it's transparent. Where you are balancing (literal, and sometimes physical) everything and somehow, ten more things are requiring your immediate attention/response. Where sleep is Swahili for: "Not today, and tomorrow isn't looking good either". We, as Moms and Dads have those moments more times than not. My daughters are 4 (Princess) and 2 (Belle) and I have learned that trying to prepare for those moments is as effective as solving an Algebra equation by chewing gum.
Let me give you some background on me: I am an only child. My parents never divorced, and my Dad was the type who worked sun up, to sun down, and still played with me, as a child, helped me with homework, helped me with musical instruments, helped me with sports, came to every concert, play, track meet I ever had. He was the purest definition of a Father, and the only one I have every known. He was also director of music in our Church, so he was my first, and longest reigning, hero. He passed away on my 22nd birthday. No, I am not sad, I consider myself blessed. The reality is, I got 22 great years with him. Many people, especially in my community (globally speaking) don't get that. He taught me how to be a Husband, a Father, a Friend. he taught me how to love, and more importantly, how to be loved...a quality my gender often struggles with. But GOD did he make those endless days look easy.
OK, all of that being said. I find that these tense moments, as a Dad, seem to also be the loneliest. Last I checked, they don't make Dad spas (not that I would probably go lol), nor are there Men's Happy Hour (yes, I understand marketing, and why most bars/clubs wouldn't do that lol), and while there are quite a few things for Dads on Father's Day, do me a favor, if you can look up your local city's Mother's Day Paper and compare it to the Father's Day edition, you will see other than the extra 15% off we may get at Radio Shack, there isn't really much geared to us. My point is that if much isn't geared to us, from a societal point of view, on the best of best days, try to imagine how lonely it is when we are way below our gold standard.
Today is one of the down days. two days ago, I went to the ER for this 4 week old migraine I have had. Now I am a migraine sufferer, but this one was different in duration, pain center, and pain level. I ended up being there for 18 hours, with no sleep. They were able to take away the pain (my doctor just threw a bunch of medicine at me....I HATE taking/being dependent on medicine). So I came home yesterday, hugged the heck out of my daughters and wife, and napped off and on, but my sleep cycle is way off. So today, my wife went back to work (she lovingly took yesterday off), and after 3 hours of sleep was up and hitting the day. Combine the 4 weeks of pain (I think it is even outlawed by Geneva), sleep deprivation, pride, and a trillion thoughts racing in your head while at the ER, I am the poster child for exhaustion.
But there is no time-out for life. And at the same time, I am not ungrateful. When Damary (my beautiful Cuban wife) and I were planning our move to Louisville, I said I wanted to be a stay-at-home Dad for a little while, because my children are my world. So we are blessed that can even be happening. But not waking up until Friday (I think today is Thursday...again, I am SOOO off) morning would be lovely.
I would love to know from other Dads, what is your coping mechanism? We have the weight of the world, whether bread-winner, co bread-winner, stay-at-home bread baker, and to ALWAYS make sure our children are getting the love and guidance they so deserve and need (think I take it too seriously?? When is the last time you heard a study about kids who have absent Moms and how it affects them?? Yeah, that's because, for the most part, Moms have their act together). And from wives, girlfriends of Dads, how do you help him cope at those times? And I know it is probably hard because we aren't the best at opening up.
Heck, it has taken me almost 2 hours to write this because there is no pause button (thank you Carl and Sandy for that one!!) for life. Doll playing, dress up, diaper changing, Scooby Doo watching, lunch preparing, pre-nap preparing, has all jumped in here, while I was typing/creating this.
I do know, once the girls nap, it is EA Sports Active workout time. Loving me some 30 - Day challenge....I think today I do some volleyball exercises!! :)
Thank you all for reading the inaugural blog. Please feel free to add comments, critique, exchange ideas, or just say Hi.
-Until The Wheels Fall Off
Corey
This is my first blog. I created this site, because on Twitter, I had made some good friends who run great Mom sites (like Momspective, DawnCullo, Jen The Army Wife, and Hollywood Mom just to name a few), I realized that there are many Dads like myself that don't really have our own virtual lounge to hang in. A place where, if you aren't a Dad, but want a glimpse into our psyche (Always wanted to know but were afraid to ask), please come here. I want this to be interactive. So if you are reading this, please pass this along to a Dad, and please leave comments. This blog site, like me, is ALWAYS a work in progress..to quote Tupac, who paraphrased the Bible: "If I upset you, don't stress, God isn't through with me yet".
OK, so I thought I would make my first blog about those most tense moments of being a Dad. Those moments where you are playing everything so tight, that it's transparent. Where you are balancing (literal, and sometimes physical) everything and somehow, ten more things are requiring your immediate attention/response. Where sleep is Swahili for: "Not today, and tomorrow isn't looking good either". We, as Moms and Dads have those moments more times than not. My daughters are 4 (Princess) and 2 (Belle) and I have learned that trying to prepare for those moments is as effective as solving an Algebra equation by chewing gum.
Let me give you some background on me: I am an only child. My parents never divorced, and my Dad was the type who worked sun up, to sun down, and still played with me, as a child, helped me with homework, helped me with musical instruments, helped me with sports, came to every concert, play, track meet I ever had. He was the purest definition of a Father, and the only one I have every known. He was also director of music in our Church, so he was my first, and longest reigning, hero. He passed away on my 22nd birthday. No, I am not sad, I consider myself blessed. The reality is, I got 22 great years with him. Many people, especially in my community (globally speaking) don't get that. He taught me how to be a Husband, a Father, a Friend. he taught me how to love, and more importantly, how to be loved...a quality my gender often struggles with. But GOD did he make those endless days look easy.
OK, all of that being said. I find that these tense moments, as a Dad, seem to also be the loneliest. Last I checked, they don't make Dad spas (not that I would probably go lol), nor are there Men's Happy Hour (yes, I understand marketing, and why most bars/clubs wouldn't do that lol), and while there are quite a few things for Dads on Father's Day, do me a favor, if you can look up your local city's Mother's Day Paper and compare it to the Father's Day edition, you will see other than the extra 15% off we may get at Radio Shack, there isn't really much geared to us. My point is that if much isn't geared to us, from a societal point of view, on the best of best days, try to imagine how lonely it is when we are way below our gold standard.
Today is one of the down days. two days ago, I went to the ER for this 4 week old migraine I have had. Now I am a migraine sufferer, but this one was different in duration, pain center, and pain level. I ended up being there for 18 hours, with no sleep. They were able to take away the pain (my doctor just threw a bunch of medicine at me....I HATE taking/being dependent on medicine). So I came home yesterday, hugged the heck out of my daughters and wife, and napped off and on, but my sleep cycle is way off. So today, my wife went back to work (she lovingly took yesterday off), and after 3 hours of sleep was up and hitting the day. Combine the 4 weeks of pain (I think it is even outlawed by Geneva), sleep deprivation, pride, and a trillion thoughts racing in your head while at the ER, I am the poster child for exhaustion.
But there is no time-out for life. And at the same time, I am not ungrateful. When Damary (my beautiful Cuban wife) and I were planning our move to Louisville, I said I wanted to be a stay-at-home Dad for a little while, because my children are my world. So we are blessed that can even be happening. But not waking up until Friday (I think today is Thursday...again, I am SOOO off) morning would be lovely.
I would love to know from other Dads, what is your coping mechanism? We have the weight of the world, whether bread-winner, co bread-winner, stay-at-home bread baker, and to ALWAYS make sure our children are getting the love and guidance they so deserve and need (think I take it too seriously?? When is the last time you heard a study about kids who have absent Moms and how it affects them?? Yeah, that's because, for the most part, Moms have their act together). And from wives, girlfriends of Dads, how do you help him cope at those times? And I know it is probably hard because we aren't the best at opening up.
Heck, it has taken me almost 2 hours to write this because there is no pause button (thank you Carl and Sandy for that one!!) for life. Doll playing, dress up, diaper changing, Scooby Doo watching, lunch preparing, pre-nap preparing, has all jumped in here, while I was typing/creating this.
I do know, once the girls nap, it is EA Sports Active workout time. Loving me some 30 - Day challenge....I think today I do some volleyball exercises!! :)
Thank you all for reading the inaugural blog. Please feel free to add comments, critique, exchange ideas, or just say Hi.
-Until The Wheels Fall Off
Corey
You are an amazing dad! Those girls are lucky to have you! I never knew my dad growing up, my parents divorced when I was 3 or so and he was a dead-beat dad after that so........ Great job for your first post! Keep it up!
ReplyDeletehey man good to see all in all your doing well. i might not be in your exact shoes due to that fact that i am not yet a father but i am recently married and i DEFINITELY feel a whole new set of pressures and obligations of being a husband to a wonderful woman. it is amazing that even after saying the simpliest i do, even after the 6 months of planning that instant i said it i felt differently. and have yet to explain to it but i think u said it well with the fact that there are sooo many other things going on and it is all just a balancing act with all the things that that require your immediate or soon to be immediate attention and just when you think you have them all taken care of and your scale is leveled out, here comes 10 or more other things that say hey wait your not done. so i have come to find these past couple months that is not about me anymore. i also like your point with the advertising of fathers day. obviously working in retail and in the jewelry business that i am in there is ALWAYS ALWAYS more attention put towards mothers day and this that and the other all centered on women. look at the lay out of a jewelry store over 95% of the merchandise in my entire store is for women leaving a measly 5 feet of case for mens selection with the remaining 1600 square feet for women. so it is a very lonely aspect looking at it as what is there for men. but from all of our interactions from when you were still here in memphis, you are a great man who sets one hell of an example. not only for the women in your life that you have the daily pleasure of being with, but i can speak from experience as i have told you in the past that you were a great example for me and i sure others feel the exact same way. so as i always tell myself and others around me: take a deep breathe and relax. if you put everything you are into whatever it is in front of you, it will all work out in the end. so stop and smell the roses as they say and dont spend too much time worrying about are you doing a good enough job cause god knows you are.
ReplyDeleteHi Corey, Obviously not a dad...but I enjoyed reading your post. Welcome to blogging!
ReplyDelete