Husband, Father, Athlete, Runner, Marathoner, Mental Health Warrior

Happy Birthday Dad, Well, today is what would have been/is (after 16 years, you think I could get that right) my Dad’s birthday. And as usual, I am sad. I thought I had it under control this year, but I don’t. I talk to him on my 4AM runs, and I know 3Bird went straight to Heaven so my Dad could have a Grandchild, but it hurts. It hurts because I feel like a liar… Every time someone compliments me on being a man, or tells me that I am a good Father, or a good Husband, I feel like a fraud. Because I am a pale comparison of him in all of those areas. I always feel like I am supposed to apologize for not being as good as him in everything. I feel like I owe the girls so much, in my lifetime, because they will never have that awesome Grandfather I know he would have been to them. Something wired inside of me refuses to let life get sedimentary. Days like today, or my birthday (he passed on my 22nd birthday); I get very down because the shadow cast is much larger than me. I know this is...

OK so it has been a while since I have done a blog. Mostly, with the advent of Marathon Training, I haven’t had too much on my mind that hasn ’t been pounded in the pavement with each step. That is probably the nicest side effect (yes even over the weight loss) of Marathon Training/Running on a regular basis. I usually listen to music during my runs during the week. But Saturdays are my endurance runs, and I don’t have any music, I just try and find my “compass north” mentally and focus on the world around me. Running at the crack of dawn, when there are few people, makes the world almost seem like it belongs to you, to conquer. Plus there is the less cars means less of a chance of me getting hit  I also enjoy the instant camaraderie of bicyclist and other runners out at that early time. Everyone waves, says Hi, in between breaths, and smiles. It’s like joining an instant Club, that seems to be exclusive, but all it takes is an alarm clock and some determination to join. This ...

So during my normal insomnia, I often think about how I am raising my daughters. I then realized that I have NO CONTROL over what life hands them. The only thing I can do is provide them the skills and encouragement to handle the curve balls, pitfalls, and many unexpectedness that life will throw at them. I don't let them win all of the time because how one handle defeat is a TRUE statement of the quality of person they are. When they do win, I make sure they aren't taunting each other. I try and make sure things like "Please", "Thank you" were commonly said AND heard, from the moment they could understand. I like to laugh with them. I want them to know happiness from life itself, not from objects. I discipline them because I want them to understand right from wrong, and because I am their parent, not trying to be their friend. Like when we first dated, I open doors for my wife. Randomly give her gifts, cards, flowers, make her breakfast in bed, etc, because...