Happy Birthday Dad...

Happy Birthday Dad,

Well, today is what would have been/is (after 16 years, you think I could get that right) my Dad’s birthday. And as usual, I am sad. I thought I had it under control this year, but I don’t.

I talk to him on my 4AM runs, and I know 3Bird went straight to Heaven so my Dad could have a Grandchild, but it hurts. It hurts because I feel like a liar…

Every time someone compliments me on being a man, or tells me that I am a good Father, or a good Husband, I feel like a fraud. Because I am a pale comparison of him in all of those areas. I always feel like I am supposed to apologize for not being as good as him in everything. I feel like I owe the girls so much, in my lifetime, because they will never have that awesome Grandfather I know he would have been to them. Something wired inside of me refuses to let life get sedimentary. Days like today, or my birthday (he passed on my 22nd birthday); I get very down because the shadow cast is much larger than me.

I know this is short, but I just needed to get some stuff out of my head, and I will work through the rest of it on my run today. So I apologize for this not being my most coherent writing…

Until the Wheels Fall Off…
-Corey “The Illuminate Runner”

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 18, 2010 at 7:14 PM

    You know, I was thinking.....what if instead of comparing yourself to him, you celebrated the man and father YOU are? Your darling girls love and adore you. One day they will try hard to find a man as good as you...and they will say "there is no man in the world like my dad!" ;-) Lori

    ReplyDelete
  2. m_marieDecember 20, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    its great to have a father like that to be an example to live by isnt it? Happy Birthday in remembrance of your Father... I am sure he looks down on you with pride.

    ReplyDelete

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