So, Apparently, I AM Human….So Sue Me

So here we are, rounding out 2010, and 2011 looks to bring many wonderful new events to my life. I am most excited, and as some of those things inch closer, a tad frightened.

So all day yesterday, I had a full blown migraine. I mean from the time I woke up, until when I woke up today. Between my head feeling like it was in a vice, combined with feeling like someone was stabbing the right temple with an ice pick, and that the girls wanted to play more Kinect games, oh, and add the nausea, it was a rough day yesterday.

One psychological side effect of my migraines is self doubt. I suffer from low self-esteem anyway, but when I have a migraine, it is amplified exponentially. I was “lucky” enough to have an entire day of “that voice” (I have “affectionately” named “Mr. Mxyzptlk") So by the end of the night, last night, I was ready to call of my marathon training, forget doing the Triple Crown of Running, and told myself there was NO WAY I have an ounce of qualifications to do the Kentucky Derby Festival Marathon.

Luckily I awoke this morning feeling less Mr. Mxyzptlk, and more Kal-El…not quite Superman though. So I hit the road for a run. Turns out, I posted some of my best mile splits (not including race days), since I started running. I also gained some confidence, and emotionally am back on track (any runner will tell you, if you are not “plugged in” to your overall training, you can forget it, come race day).

The other wonderful side effect of these migraines is, I find myself feeling very emotionally vulnerable…I think because it takes ALL of my faculties to just be upright, much less still be an active Husband and Father…love doesn’t take sick days. So when people, who, for whatever reason, think they know me well (look, just because we were close 20, 15, 10, 5 years ago, doesn’t automatically mean we are close now. I, for one, can say, I am not even the same person I was then…life is about evolving), make some “cute”, swarmy, off-the cuff, tongue and cheek, comment to me (text, Facebook, Twitter, Daily Mile, Email, etc.) it hurts me more than it should. ESPECIALLY when those certain people have had rough times as of late, and regardless of never caring enough to see how my life was, before barging in needing my shoulder to lean on, I made sure I was there.

With those last couple of sentences, I am pretty certain that a small handful of people’s eyes just got a little bigger, and are wondering if I mean them…

When I left on my run this morning, like I do for the beginning of every run, I thanked God for giving me another day with Damary, Ayanna, and Annabelle. Also, as usual, I asked God to bring peace and joy to those people I know going through some hard times...To let them know, that they don’t have to go through what they are going through alone.

I shouldn’t feel hurt by people who are incapable of unselfish, platonic friendship.

I AM grateful for the people who have, unconditionally, given their friendship to me. The people who respond to text messages (Hi, Mel…I just got yours, and thank you), NOT just send them when THEY need something. I AM grateful for the people who know that if they needed something, that friendship goes both ways…and they treat me with that respect. I AM grateful for the people (mostly on Daily Mile) who are PHENOMENAL runners, and athletes, but take the time to encourage me and check on me (Hi Karen, your advice has been so helpful; Hi Rachel, your enthusiasm is so refreshing; Hi Alicyn, I never tire of your positive energy, Hi Logan, you are the man; Paige and Mindy, your encouragement means so much to me), even though I am nothing special. And that is just to name a few...

So Thank You to the ones who have helped me be more Kal-El, than the ones who find joy in feeding Mr. Mxyzptlk.

-Until The Wheels Fall Off
-Corey, The Illuminati Runner

Comments

  1. Corey this is awesome! I know what you mean about the migraines and how they suck the life out of you. Never doubt what you can do. You have inspired me so much! you and Mel, and so many on DM. When people tell me I'm crazy about my marathon goals I think of what you told me and how you are out in the freezing cold every morning, you push me. And of how Mel trained and pushed and qualified for Boston her first time out. I will never be that fast but she inspired me. Your daily motivation is so wonderful to read everyday. Thank you for that and I look forward to running with you very soon!

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  2. But you are VERY special. I think it is funny how God can give us thoughts and things we need to say at just the right moment. If we fail to share these thoughts, we miss a moment to be used by God.
    I believe you are used by God every day, a tool for God. I can see how you wouldn't see this in yourself, as we tend to see our own faults. But, being on the outside looking in, I see a strong, faithful, dedicated, truly kind, and thoughtful, caring man. Whose life, training, thoughts, words, running and life are an inspiration and blessing to many. Especially those closest to you.
    So, when you are hurting, when you feel like giving up...come back to this and know just how very special you are and how many people look to see what you are doing. There is a reason for that, and it is good. - Mel

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  3. Hey, everyone has those days.... they are rough. Good friends are hard to find as they say... so count yourself fortunate for all the great ones it sounds like you have both internet and physically in your life. Thank God for the rough days and thank him for the good!! God is great!!!!! have a great week!

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