I think I am scared to be a good parent…

No seriously, I am. I have heard some qualified and non-qualified people alike tell me I’m a good parent, and others tell me that I’m a bad parent. The girls will, completely on their own, just say, “Papi, you’re a good Papi”. My wife tells me all of the time that I do a good job. To be honest….I don’t know.

I know parenting is (and I am just speaking in the simplest terms) like being a Point Guard in Basketball or a Cornerback in Football. Even with the designed plays you’ve practiced over an over again, even with everything you have read, and everything you told yourself, you are still pretty much “Read & React”.

In a basketball game, a Point Guard’s sole job is to lead the team on the court. They are to not only see what is happening in front of them, but to see the entire court, and anticipate what will happen next. They don’t score a lot; they make their teammates better and put them in position to score.

In a football game, the Cornerback’s job is to read the QB. To anticipate what the QB is going to try and do and make sure the WR doesn’t score. That means their constantly “keeping their head on a swivel”, as most coaches say. This means you have to always be looking for potential situations that present itself and handle accordingly.

So it is hard for me to know if I am a good parent, because my brain stays in constant motion of “Read & React”; plus I think my head stays on such a swivel, I can spin it 360 degrees!

I worry I am not half the man/Father my Dad was. I worry the girls will grow up and have the same body image issues I have, or the battles with depression I’ve had, and continue to have. I worry, when they are adults, they will look back at the early lives and think/feel./say I didn’t do enough. I didn’t give everything I had at being a good parent.

On the flip side of this coin, I am scared to be a good parent, or at least scared to ever think I am a good parent because I won’t try as hard. If you’ve done enough competitive things in your life, you know what I mean. No champion is ever as hungry as the contender. When it comes to parenting I want to stay a contender, because I will always work to improve myself as a parent to the girls.

I am blessed. The girls are good girls. Damary and I hear it enough from other parents, their daycare, heck they had so much schwag the other day from my eye doctor’s, their pediatrician’s office, and the bookstore, you would have thought Christmas came early. And everyone one of them kept saying how well behaved they are. How polite they are. How sweet they are to each other. So in those terms I am not blind to the blessing God has given me.

What I fear is that I will screw that up.

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