It isn't pretty, but it is how I feel

So sometimes I wonder, as a man, as a husband, as a father, do we get the love and support we should? No, I am not trying to start any fights (especially in my own house), but in general, if you are a woman reading this, is there a lot that you put on your lover, boyfriend, husband’s plate, and he does such a good job at balancing it, and you, you just have come to expect him to “dance upon command”?

I hear/read a LOT of women say there are no good men (that is a blog I will cover next time….I have theories about that, that need to come out), but what about the men that ARE good? The Aaron’s, Tito’s, Seamus’s, Brian’s, Namon’s, Damon’s, Carl’s (just to name a few). The guys, who regardless of their past, or how they got here, are doing a damn good job. Yes they are married, or in committed relationships, but let’s examine what happens when a women gets said “good man”.

When a woman opens up her heart to a man, it is magical, no other way to say it, nor do I take it lightly. But there is usually something else that happens, the load of expectations start. Whatever happened to opening up your heart without fear? Isn’t that the point of love? To take a chance that you may soar so high you can look down on an eagle? And yes you may crash and burn badly too, but therein lies the risk.

Yes, I am speaking in general, no I am not calling anyone out. And yes I am aware of my genders pitfalls….besides, even if I’m not, all I need to do is pick up any popular magazine, and they’ll tell me in explicit full color detail. But mistakes are a two-way street.

Men, have you ever been expected to deal with irrational behavior, but are quickly reprimanded if you are anything but a rock for your wife to lean on? Men, have you ever had so much stuff piled up on you, that when you ask for a few moments to gather your thoughts, you are looked at as selfish or weak, but QUICKLY reminded how your significant other needs spa/reading/ladies night/recharge time? Ever had yours and your wife’s friends give you a compliment on how good a Husband and or Father you are, to only have your spouse make a point of throwing in something you don’t do well, to almost make it appear you aren’t worthy of such praise? Men, ever had your spouse actually be JEALOUS of something you do well, because they don’t do the same thing as well as you? Men, ever do something completely out of character, simply for the reason of bringing a little bit of happiness to your wife, and the thanks/appreciation only happens after the criticism/suggest ways you could have done it better? Men, are you expected to heed to certain idiosyncrasies that your wife has, but you, yourself, are expected to bend and yield and consult with your wife because (and how often are you reminded) you are not the only one in the relationship? Men, how often are you reminded that without your wife, you wouldn’t be half the man you are, but they could be fine without you? Men, how many times do you cook or clean to only have your wife criticize the way you do it, but not actually do it themselves? Men, how many times does your spouse just plain criticize, but never offers an alternate solution. You’re expected to only never do it that way, but to also figure out a better way to do it…all on your own.

I am simply pointing these traits out, because if you are one of these wives, girlfriends, be honest about it. Admit that you are thankful for that man….it doesn’t make you weak or give up any control you think is happening. Proverbs Verse 16, Chapter 24 tells us, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”. Remember that when your men are making an effort. Just because it isn’t the effort that you want, doesn’t change the effort itself.

Ok, I am done. I am fully opening myself up for the criticism’s I will face for writing this, including in my own house. I just wanted to show I am not afraid to give voice to the many friends I know who may not be able to say anything.

-Until The Wheels Fall Off


  1. I love the fact that you are always so honest no matter the cost! Thank you for putting yourself out there and saying what many think but never have the nerve to say. You are a very strong man, friend, husband, and father. And it has nothing to do with me, you are that because you are determined to be the best. I have nothing bad to say about what you wrote, you spoke only the truth. As a woman I see my own faults and know that I have to make a change if I want a change. You are an extremely caring and thoughtful husband and I thank God every day for the blessing that is you and our marriage.

    I love you

  2. I am sure men get a lot of things put on them as a "man" thing to do. Like cut the grass, change the oil, etc. However we women are capable, it's just there are a thousand other things we need to do (not that men don't have other things to do), that noramally the man would prefer to mow the grass or change the oil rather than doing the "other" things. We also have things put on us as female things to do. I am a military wife & I do it all. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I say to all of you to be grateful for your spouse being there to pitch in or help out, especially when your sick. Because this momma doesn't get a sick day or a day off. Grass has to be mowed, oil changed, vehicles inspected, bills paid, kids taken care of & shuttled to and fro, breakfast, lunch & dinner, bath time & finally bed time. Oh yeah, what about me? Did I shower today? I am more than thankful for my husband, I am grateful. I thank God for him for providing a good & stable home for us, for working hard & allowing me to stay home with my two children, which by the way is the hardest job I've ever had. Marriage is a two way street & no one should be taken advantage of or disrespected. I love you my friend!


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