Being A Child, Being A Parent...All At The Same Time

Happy Friday Everyone!!

So my birthday is in little over a week, and I find myself sorely missing my Dad, like I have every year for the past 14 years (he passed away on my 22nd birthday…this year marks the 15th anniversary of that). But as the girls are getting older, and on the verge of the beginning of self discovery/testing independence, I feel like I am in the, proverbial, eye of the storm as far as the dichotomy of emotions.

I am happy that I have been blessed to see another year. Another year as a Husband, and a Father. I am also sad, because Even though I will be turning 37, I am still new in the Parent Arena, and my Father’s wisdom and anecdotes would have been GREATLY appreciated. If nothing else, to have a senior member of this Fraternity to share stories with. Plus, my heart aches for the fact I never saw him as a Grandfather (wow….that was a lot harder to type/put out in the universe….wiping eyes now). I know he would have absolutely ADORED Ayanna’s thirst for mastery in anything she attempts, and Annabelle’s independent and sincere pure heart of love. I would have loved Christmas mornings (one week after his birthday, at that) watching him play Christmas Carols on the piano while the girls sang them and laughed and asked him to play some more (did I mention I have a vivid imagination? Or maybe it is simply a memory that will never be?). I wish I could’ve heard him talk to me, as only a parent can when their child is now a parent too. I hate myself for the fact that a part of my heart still yearns/wishes for this miracle while I full well know it cannot and will not ever happen. *sigh*

At the same time, I reach another birthday as a parent, which funny how that doesn’t make me feel NEARLY as old when I look at my children’s age! Knowing Annabelle, just turned 3 a couple of months ago, and Ayanna just turned 5 a couple of weeks ago, blows my mind far more than knowing I turn 37. I mean, I have only known my children for 5 years, but feel like I have known them forever. Like I was meant to be their Papi.

So I wonder, to my fellow parents out there, do you ever stop and realize/appreciate the “in-between” that we are in? We are parents to these children who think the world of us, no matter what age they are; and we are children of our parents, while trying to be fully functional adults. Wrap your brain around that for a moment. Appreciate where you are because of where you’ve been, and appreciate your kids for all of the places they will go.

-Until The Wheels Fall Off
Corey (a little short blog today, but I am emotionally spent after writing it…I apologize if it is all over the place today)

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