My Happy Home

Often people tell me how lucky I am to have Damary, or they tell Damary how lucky she is to have me. We both kind of laugh off those comments, because luck only played apart in our introduction (sometimes we think it was fate, but how we met is for another time lol). The rest, once we met, dated, courted, and married has been due to our hard work at making our marriage work.

SAME VISION: I think the initial reason our marriage works over all (yes, like anyone, we have rough patches) is because we both want to be with each other. If only one person feels that way, it’s like being in a two person kayak and one person not paddling…you just go in a circle and never get anywhere. We both know, at the end of the day, the only place we belong is in our bed with each other.

LAUGH, LAUGH AND KEEP LAUGHING: One of the coolest things about Damary and I, and any successful couple I know is the ability to laugh together, and sometimes at each other. There are times, when we lay down in bed to go to sleep, one of us just says something unintentionally goofy, and there is always a split second of silence, then laughter. And we laugh while holding hands, or each other. We laugh while we look into each others faces, to see the smiles, even though it is dark. No matter what troubles we have, that moment is the most important to us. We laugh with our soul. I also love the moments we laugh as a family. There is nothing more bonding as a family than a family laughing together. It’s like God paused the world and granted us this moment.

OPEN UP: One of the lingering traits I see in unsuccessful marriages is one or both partners think they have to have a part of their lives shielded/protected/hidden from the other. That mindset, in the long run, NEVER seems to work. Yes, I agree, that there are times each partner should do their own thing, but that should be of common knowledge, not someone is doing something and they hid it from the other. If there is something, no matter how childish or grandiose, that you enjoy, tell your partner. Some things they will not want to do with you, some things they may ask questions and soon you may have a new hobby partner, as well as life partner. But ALL of the time, your partner will be grateful because you opened yourself up and made yourself vulnerable. For me, it’s either video games (I’m the type of person who will play for like 10, 20 minutes at a time like every month or so, just for stress relief), or playing basketball, or now running. Over the years, Damary has become my #1 video game partner. This makes for great bonding experience. Matter of fact, if anyone has a PS3, I HIGHLY recommend going to buy Little Big Planet. This game is designed for teamwork, and is one of those pick up and play games, and that borders between addicting and silly, but it is a GREAT bonding time. It is hard to explain, but after you and your partner play it for 20 minutes, try putting it down lol

ROAD TRIP SOMEWHERE: If you haven’t done this when you dated, please do so soon. The best test/proving ground of a relationship is a road trip. Damary and I took our first one Labor Day 2002, and we STILL talk about it. We became so much closer after that trip. Just being silly, and exploring. If you have kids, I definitely say take one. The kids will enjoy the learning time with you. Plot the more scenic route to take, just so you can show them things they may never see at home. This is also hard to explain, but after you do it, you will know what I mean.

LISTEN, THEN TALK: This, is more for what I hear my friends say their spouse’s don’t do. The one thing, Damary started when we first took our daughters to daycare, is when we pick them up; we immediately ask them how their day was. They tell us about what the learned, and then they ask us about our day at work. This has even progressed to the girls ask me how as my run, when I come in from running, or we all ask each other how was your sleep when everyone wakes up in the morning. The point is, this breeds an arena where your spouse will feel so cared for that everyday you think enough of them, no matter how great or crappy your day was, to ask them how theirs was. Secondly, be quiet when they are asking; pay attention to names they mention (odds are you will hear them again, and your spouse will love that they don’t have to keep explaining to you “You remember I told you about Lee, the one who burps all of the time.” Over and over lol

THERE IS NO CURE FOR GOOSEBUMPS: I know this may sound silly, but whenever I touch Damary, and I mean in the most non-sexual way, to the most intimate way, I still get goose bumps and butterflies. We have been together a total of 9 years, and that hasn’t stopped. It is like the feeling of being dropped on a rollercoaster, combined with every one of the 5 sense are JACKED WAY UP, combined with me saying the same thing to God: “Thank you”. She will be the first to tell you; sometimes I just stare at her. I look at her, trying to memorize every feature of her pretty face. I think, “Wow she is so pretty and wants to be with me??”

SAY ALL OF THE THINGS YOU THINK THEY ALREADY KNOW: I realize how much I love Damary; I also realize I shout it to the world in all forms, the first chance I get. The key is, I make sure I tell Damary directly!! I think we all have deep feelings of love, respect, admiration for our spouses. How often do we flat out tell them? For no reason, not connected to a holiday, nothing major is going on? I actively try to make sure I tell her (on top of showing her) how pretty I think she is, how good a mom she is, or that I love her. This brings me to…

“I LOVE YOU” IS NOT A REFLEX: When we first said “I Love You” to each other, Damary noticed something shortly afterwards. I never say, “I Love You, Too” as a response, I always say, “I love YOU”. She asked me why and I told her, “I Love You, Too” sounds like a reflex, or a response, not a statement of actual feelings. Kind of like, “Oh well, since you said it, I am obligated to say it back”. Professing your love should not be something anyone is OBLIGATED to say back to someone.

This is by no mean, some “Must do” or has covered all of the things I think help to contribute to a successful marriage. These were just the things that came to me off the top of my head, based on things in my house over the past couple of weeks.

I hope everyone has a most wonderful day and takes some extra time to let their spouse know why they are so important to you.

-Until the Wheels Fall Off
-Corey

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