Husband, Father, Athlete, Runner, Marathoner, Mental Health Warrior

So here we are, rounding out 2010, and 2011 looks to bring many wonderful new events to my life. I am most excited, and as some of those things inch closer, a tad frightened. So all day yesterday, I had a full blown migraine. I mean from the time I woke up, until when I woke up today. Between my head feeling like it was in a vice, combined with feeling like someone was stabbing the right temple with an ice pick, and that the girls wanted to play more Kinect games, oh, and add the nausea, it was a rough day yesterday. One psychological side effect of my migraines is self doubt. I suffer from low self-esteem anyway, but when I have a migraine, it is amplified exponentially. I was “lucky” enough to have an entire day of “that voice” (I have “affectionately” named “ Mr. Mxyzptlk ") So by the end of the night, last night, I was ready to call of my marathon training, forget doing the Triple Crown of Running , and told myself there was NO WAY I have an ounce of qualifications to do the K...

Happy Birthday Dad, Well, today is what would have been/is (after 16 years, you think I could get that right) my Dad’s birthday. And as usual, I am sad. I thought I had it under control this year, but I don’t. I talk to him on my 4AM runs, and I know 3Bird went straight to Heaven so my Dad could have a Grandchild, but it hurts. It hurts because I feel like a liar… Every time someone compliments me on being a man, or tells me that I am a good Father, or a good Husband, I feel like a fraud. Because I am a pale comparison of him in all of those areas. I always feel like I am supposed to apologize for not being as good as him in everything. I feel like I owe the girls so much, in my lifetime, because they will never have that awesome Grandfather I know he would have been to them. Something wired inside of me refuses to let life get sedimentary. Days like today, or my birthday (he passed on my 22nd birthday); I get very down because the shadow cast is much larger than me. I know this is...

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28 I first heard the scripture (that I remember) on a commercial that used to play during wrestling when I was a child (every commercial break). That scripture gave me hope. It let me know that all of the crap I was going through, in my childhood, that at some point I would see God and he would take it all away and I would get to rest. Yeah, I wasn’t your typical kid…somehow I could balance the knowledge of all of the kryptonites and their affect on Superman, and carry this thought process around at the same time. Not healthy, I must say… I am not here to complain or even talk about things that happened to me, or stuff I went through…that is not my point, not do I want to waste anyone’s time with that, but fast forward to March of 1992. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of God’s love, and that I was a waste of space, and I was tired of 20 years of pain and hurting. I decided (when I say decide, I mean met...

Damary here: wife of Corey…..just needed to get some stuff off my chest…. I never realized how common having a miscarriage was, until it happened to me and so many people reached out to share their story. So I am having some trouble with “moving on” part people are suppose to do after something bad happens. I do not know if it is because I am putting too much pressure on myself and feel I should be a certain way and I am not there, not even close. It has been about a month since I had the miscarriage and I am still as sad (actually I think sadder) as I was when I found out it was happening. I still find myself crying at the most random moments, especially when I am alone. And worst of all I keep having the worst dreams. I fear that I am damaged and will not be able to have a third child. Than I just feel guilty and like an idiot for saying or thinking that, because I have been blessed with two successful pregnancies and daughters. There are people out there who will never have that… I ...

So I haven’t blogged in a while because it is hard to talk about things that leave you so raw and exposed. Maybe it is just me…it wouldn’t be the first time. My wife talked about 3Bird, and I don’t think there is much more for me to say… So the 17th is my 38th Birthday! Wow, 38….believe me, I know of at least 5 times in my life where this day was NOT guaranteed, at all. I can’t believe I have made it this far. I have a KEY rule for myself, on my birthday. Take a quiet, alone, few minutes and reflect on how my life has changed over the past 365 days. I hold myself to one rule: I should be in a better place than I was on my last birthday. Simple. I spend every morning reminding myself of that rule, knowing a birthday is coming. I firmly believe life is meant to be lived, not to just exist in. Every year, I should be improving something about myself. Hence why I say, “Keep it pushin…” Wow, what a year it has been. To say ANYTHING has been stagnant in my life would be a bold-faced lie. My ...

Hi Everyone…Damary here. Well it has been an extremely emotional 24 hours for me and the rest of The Queens. I know that some of you have heard part of the story and some have heard nothing and both just have questions. This is my attempt to try to answer those and to please ask each and every one of you to please have our family and 3Bird in your prayers. Now onto what happened…. Sunday night around 7pm I noticed I was having some vaginal bleeding. Being that I am only about 5 ½ weeks this was very worrisome and we quickly got the girls and headed to the ER. The first ER stated it would be SEVERAL hours before they could see me. Both Corey and I didn’t feel comfortable waiting that long and we went to a different ER. At the new ER they saw me within the hour. They took blood and performed an ultrasound. During the ultrasound the tech was not able to locate a heartbeat (which at this point we are still thinking positively because I am still so early). I go back to the room and Corey an...

Well, today was my follow up with my Podiatrist, and I went into it not expecting to leave wearing two shoes:) I did explain to him about a couple of mornings of walking Jax and forgetting to put my boot on, and how it had been REALLY hurting since then. He says the Plantar Faciitis isn’t heeling that quickly, but he thinks it is attributed to the possible Heel Fracture. He did some poking and prodding (LOVED THAT…REALLY I DID….still throbbing in pain), and said it also seems like Heel Edema which is fluid buildup…which make sense because of the heel fracture. He ordered an MRI, since he said we had given it long enough for everything to heal, or really start healing. Once he gets the MRI back to see how bad the fracture is determines what happens next. He said it was no problem with my walks and my cycling and that it is fine (for those who have questioned my sanity on doing them) So I keep doing what I am doing until then. -Until the Wheels Fall Off -Corey P.S. – Have I mentioned my ...